Light bulbs are no joke

We were sitting around the dining room table at Chigger Mountain Farm after feasting on my Aunt Dud's Easter ham and scalloped potatoes when Uncle Fud asked, "How many Big Dig officials does it take to change a light bulb?"

"I give up, how many?" I asked.

"Four," he said. "One to put in the wrong kind of bulb, a second to discover it was wrong, a third to put in a new one and a fourth to look for $54 million to pay for the first guy's mistake."

"You're referring, of course, to the light fixture fiasco in the Boston tunnel system that cost a mere $15 billion to build," I said.

"Of course," Uncle Fud said. "Come to think of it, maybe they'll need a fifth guy to applaud when the third guy puts in lights that don't rust."

"A novel idea for underwater tunnels that leak," I said. "They're also planning to install the more energy-efficient LED lights that use less electricity, which might help the guy looking for money."

"Glad you mentioned that because it leads to another question," he said. "How many Icklers will it take to change a light bulb the next time one goes out in Utopia by Bosky Dell?"

"Should be only one," I said. "I'm not the world's greatest handyman but I don't need help changing a light bulb."

"Wrong," said Uncle Fud. "From what I've been readin' about the new light bulbs, it will take at least two people to figure out what kind of bulb to buy before you put it in. And maybe you'd better take along a third person to break a possible tie vote."

"What's to vote on?" I asked.

"Nowadays it ain't like walkin' into the store and grabbin' a package of bulbs that look like the one Thomas Edison invented," he said. "Now you got shelves full of incandescents, compact fluorescents and LED bulbs that cost anywhere from $2.50 to $20 to pick from."

"Enlighten me," I said. "Why would I buy a bulb that costs $20?"

"Because it would last a whole lot longer than the cheaper bulb," Uncle Fud said. "They're makin' LED bulbs that are supposed to last as much as 20 years. People my age are talkin' about puttin' them in their will."

"That does make the choice more complicated," I said. "I'd probably be brighter to buy a cheaper bulb for some low-usage place like the basement, but where do you draw the break-even line?"